Conflicted

I'm a bit of a Nihilist. I point it out because I find it notably odd that I simultaneously empathize highly and am emotionally compelled to the point of personal sacrifice, while also feeling that none of it really matters. Go figure.

I just came to a realization a long time ago that the human condition is what I live in, despite being aware that it is in no way unique or special in the universe (i.e. just a complex system that has meaning within itself and to itself). So I participate because it's the only thing I'm designed to do, and not participating is essentially fighting one's own nature, which may seem valiant, but just leads to an unpleasant life in my opinion. I'm talking high-level participation here... I'm down with fighting the established social norms and standard mentalities, but I'm still participating in the act of being human. So my sense of caring, empathizing, acting and communicating about my 'ethical' concerns is always somewhat precariously perched on the unstable base of the presupposition of irrelevance. How awesome is that.